notebooks

07-10 January, 1959

07::January::2009 17:00 → permalink

journal, McLean, Virginia, January 1961

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possibility
  • place: Newton, New Jersey

02::August::1993 21:13 → permalink

And so it goes… Beginning work with the same problem as in Iceland… Please somebody, GET ME SOME RAPID FIXER!

Some interesting images, though. The problem is always what to do with which ones. (I can’t keep mind off of Loki in this picture — standing next to the stool in the doorway of the summerhouse on Hrísey. How can I be a better father? Sweet little boy. And this woman that I have left behind for the time…) And the work to be done now. Hoping that the washing problem will vanish… HYPO? And moving the images along. PLACES. PEOPLE, THINGS. A primitive set of categories. Not organic except that language is a supremely organic concept. Anything else is lost. Single images drift in mind. Pairing or serializing pairs them into a way-of-being. Otherwise they. Drift. But maybe that is the thing to do… The constructs that I construct for images to fit into are largely (ratio)(nal) formulations: limited and un-enLightened, un-spirit-quickened. Ya’know?

I FEAR DEATH.

Lord give me the strength to carry on.

I see that others are more able to deal with the world-that-is. It is simply a concept of curiosity that I have for those more “successful.” How they handle conditions and make them constructive. I do not. I send enormous amounts of energy into fighting the conditions around me. Always. And always the possibility of great success, but seldom the power and concentration to carry it off. And nothing about this changes with age: many more failures for progress. And how exactly do I understand that my progress is small? (By fame…) Silly. How else to measure these things? By a satisfied soul.? Who has a satisfied soul? The one who gives without expectation of receiving.

Motion gives body a special momentum
Stillness the same, but different.

Words simply will not come out of this pen that are believable and powerful. There is some critical and fundamental problem.

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anger
  • place: Venice Beach, California

17::February::1984 20:15 → permalink

It was an angry
night
(after an angry week)

Still remember
balancing
(on a curb) (another repetition)

(and blood pounding. sledge

cuff to the ear. chemical anger.

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